Key Conversations You Should Have with Your Partner Before Tying the Knot
by Carolyn Lee Jun 3, 2019
Wedding engagements can be exciting.
That feeling continues to build as wedding plans take form and friends and loved ones join in the excitement.
Wedding planning can be time–consuming, even if you hire a wedding planner. With planning at the forefront, it can be easy to overlook key conversations that are crucial to your marriage.
June is one of the months for romance and weddings. If you just got engaged or you’re in the process of planning your wedding, this article is for you.
The following are a few important topics for conversations that you should have with your partner before tying the knot!
Your fiancé may have been known to your friends and family for a while. It’s time to discuss how each of you really feels about each other’s family. For some couples, in-laws can be an absolute blessing. Conversely, in-laws can also be the source of tension. Be honest about your feelings. Avoid generalisations and judgments. Most importantly, it may be helpful to have this conversation in the presence of a counsellor, who can act as mediator.
In relationships, it is best to speak about expectations. Sharing your expectations gives the other person an opportunity to understand your wants and needs. What do you expect as it relates to sharing household chores, shared finances, family planning, etc.? Will any habits, routines and friendships change? As relationships evolve, expectations change. These are just a few of the things that couples tend to overlook, that could later result in conflict.
Planning a wedding with your partner will spark the “money conversation” early. Expand this conversation to a financial plan that you will both contribute to. Most couples have a shared bank account. What is the plan for the funds that go into this bank account? Will you still have individual bank accounts? What’s your partner’s financial history and spending habits like? What expenses are you sharing? Does either of you have outstanding debts?
The fact that you are engaged suggests that you are already comfortable with what you know about each other. However, the past has a way of catching up with us. Is there anything in your past that could adversely affect your marriage? Is there anything in your family history, past intimate or other relationships that could create problems for you? Now is the best time to be open about secrets.
A career driven mindset can bring success to both partners. It can also create a void in relationships if balance and an understanding of the intended goal are unclear. Will you have to make personal sacrifices to succeed in your career? Will your career take you away from your family for extended periods? What happens if one of you loses your job?
When we decide to marry, our investment in the other person involves their overall health and wellbeing. This covers the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. How does your partner react in stressful situations? Is there a history of emotional trauma that hasn’t been dealt with? How’s their mental health? What are their views on spirituality or religion? Are you prepared to deal with any sudden illnesses?
The most obvious topic is that of fidelity. Are you committed to sexual relations with this person for the rest of your life? Do you have hang-ups that could affect intimacy? Is there anything that you’ve been uncomfortable about in the bedroom? What’s your past sexual history? Is there anything from your past that could make things uncomfortable?
Many couples are excited about starting their own family, but some prefer not to have children. Do you and your partner want children? What happens if only one of you wants children? How many children do you want? Do you have an alternative plan in case you are not able to conceive? It is also helpful to discuss sharing the additional responsibilities and expenses that come with taking care of children.
Sharing with Others
It is easy to share details with loved ones about what is going right, as well as what is not going great. The opinions of others can help to bring clarity or create discord. How much and what should you share with others? How involved are your friends and in-laws in your relationship? Have you established clear boundaries with your loved ones as to what you can share? Is your partner aware of the topics that are off-limits to others? You may need to use your discretion based on the dynamics of the relationships that you have.
These topics covered some of the key conversations you should have. Be open and honest. Speak to a marriage counsellor for guidance. Remember, your wedding is a very special day, however, your marriage is expected to last a lifetime!